Comments on: My New Calling http://www.mormonfolklore.org/blog/2008/06/02/my-new-calling/ A satirical look at TRUTH through the mote-free eyes of Elder Stephen Erastus Knudsen III Thu, 04 Dec 2008 02:08:50 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.1.3 By: looking http://www.mormonfolklore.org/blog/2008/06/02/my-new-calling/#comment-1805 looking Fri, 20 Jun 2008 00:54:42 +0000 http://www.mormonfolklore.org/blog/2008/06/02/my-new-calling/#comment-1805 what makes you think that you are so righteous that the lord needs to test you? How can so many be so self righteous to think this? what makes you think that you are so righteous that the lord needs to test you? How can so many be so self righteous to think this?

]]> By: Stephen Erastus Knudsen III http://www.mormonfolklore.org/blog/2008/06/02/my-new-calling/#comment-1806 Stephen Erastus Knudsen III Fri, 20 Jun 2008 02:02:02 +0000 http://www.mormonfolklore.org/blog/2008/06/02/my-new-calling/#comment-1806 Because I have never missed a day of church, or even the weekend evening stake and ward conference meetings that some members view as "optional." I always say my morning, afternoon, and evening prayers. I pay my tithing early, and while I continue to follow the guidance in the white missionary handbook prohibiting excessive fasting, I still pay the equivalent of 5 meals in fast offerings instead of the more common, less-valiant rule of 2. I keep a year supply, and can all my own food. I keep the word of wisdom and vigilently avoid those who do not. I have never had an impure thought and I constantly hum church hymns just in case. I rarely laugh and when I do it is never loud. I share the gospel with everyone I meet, even the people who I can tell would make terrible Mormons. I complete my hometeaching on the first day of every month, sometimes within the first hour if my assigned families' doors are not locked. I can quote the scriptures forwards and sideways, but not backwards (because that is of the devil). I hold family home evening every monday night, even though I live on my own. And on top of all that, I obey all traffic regulations, I never pop a grape in my mouth at the grocery store without paying for it up at the register, and I keep myself impeccably groomed. Shall I keep going? Of course the Lord is going to test me. And I am going to pass with flying colors every time. Because many are called, but few are Knudsen. Because I have never missed a day of church, or even the weekend evening stake and ward conference meetings that some members view as “optional.” I always say my morning, afternoon, and evening prayers. I pay my tithing early, and while I continue to follow the guidance in the white missionary handbook prohibiting excessive fasting, I still pay the equivalent of 5 meals in fast offerings instead of the more common, less-valiant rule of 2. I keep a year supply, and can all my own food. I keep the word of wisdom and vigilently avoid those who do not. I have never had an impure thought and I constantly hum church hymns just in case. I rarely laugh and when I do it is never loud. I share the gospel with everyone I meet, even the people who I can tell would make terrible Mormons. I complete my hometeaching on the first day of every month, sometimes within the first hour if my assigned families’ doors are not locked. I can quote the scriptures forwards and sideways, but not backwards (because that is of the devil). I hold family home evening every monday night, even though I live on my own. And on top of all that, I obey all traffic regulations, I never pop a grape in my mouth at the grocery store without paying for it up at the register, and I keep myself impeccably groomed.

Shall I keep going? Of course the Lord is going to test me. And I am going to pass with flying colors every time. Because many are called, but few are Knudsen.

]]> By: Billy http://www.mormonfolklore.org/blog/2008/06/02/my-new-calling/#comment-1833 Billy Wed, 16 Jul 2008 15:54:12 +0000 http://www.mormonfolklore.org/blog/2008/06/02/my-new-calling/#comment-1833 You are like the Dwight of the Mormon world. You are like the Dwight of the Mormon world.

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