How To Be a Good Wife
Jun 24th, 2007 by Stephen Erastus Knudsen III
Because the divorce rate is what it is, I felt the need for a freindly little reminder. I will be giving this lesson tomorrow in Elder’s Quorum and encouraging each Elder to see to it that his wife learns what needs to happen to get families back to where they ought to be.
I wish I could claim authorship of this sage advice, but I am only a conduit through which the Lord communicates His Truth. Sister Jessawhy, I really hope you are reading. Sister Irene, I think you may have some repenting to do:
HAVE DINNER READY: Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.
PREPARE YOURSELF: Take 15 minutes to rest so that you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair, and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be happy and cheerful and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift.
CLEAR AWAY THE CLUTTER: Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up school books, toys, paper, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift, too.
PREPARE THE CHILDREN: Take a few minutes to wash the children’s hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair and, if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures, and he would like to see them play the part.
MINIMIZE THE NOISE: At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer, or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. Be happy to see him. Greet him with a warm smile and be glad to see him.
SOME DON’T’S: Don’t greet him with problems or complaints. Don’t complain if he’s late for dinner. Count this as minor compared with what he might have gone through that day. Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest that he lie down in the bedroom. Have a refreshing drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soft, soothing and pleasant voice. Allow him to relax and unwind.
LISTEN TO HIM: You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first.
MAKE THE EVENING HIS: Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment (or introduce you to his mistress). Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure, his need to be home and relax.
THE GOAL: Try to make your home a place of peace and order, where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.
Plagiarist! I’ve seen this movie. It was called “Date With Your Family,” and MST3K gave it their treatment in 1994.
I’ve seen it before, too, as one of those circulating emails that credits this to a 1952 text book. There’s a movie?
I guess it’s not a huge surprise Stevie-boy ripped off his material from someone else. He’s condemned marriage as a lower law he doesn’t subscribe to in comments he’s made elsewhere in this blog.
Which makes the idea of Stevie-boy dispensing advice on building a happy marriage all the more amusing . . .
I have also seen it before. Truthfully I find it to work. So, Thank you for the un needed chastening. I guess I really am perfect.
The part we find works best for us is to clear away the clutter to get an “extra lift”. It’s true, you never know what you can find lying around that you have forgotten was there. Actually my bonus Dad taught me that.
you never know what you can find lying around that you have forgotten was there
Or in glove compartments. No one likes pain, but sometimes we are called to pass through what I call the “portals of pain.”
Though some have mocked and scorned, my endless search for rainbows (ahhhhhhhhh)…
Sister PDOE,
I don’t know how anyone can ever claim plagerism of another’s work. That implies ownership, and all things come to us from God, so all things are his in the first place. It mattereth not if one person borrows the wisdom of another as long as God is cited as the source. He doth not even require MLA.
It was an excellent lesson, today, by the way. I was able to use the commitment pattern to effectively ensure that each husband in my quorum will present this information to his wife between the hours of 6pm and 8pm Monday evening, for their FHE lesson (so two birds, really). I think we may start to see a signficant change here. I am so glad. If only there was a way to invest in hair ribbons.
Well, Brother Stephen, since you included me in the post, I will respond directly to your comments.
I am definately not the kind of wife you describe, although I did wear a ribbon in my hair last week (but, my husband was out of town, too bad). When he came back in town, he came home to a clean house and happy children. I then left for 1 1/2 days, and came home to a completely different house and different children (in some ways they were the same: they had not been bathed).
So, I would like to see a follow-up post about the requirements of men when they are the full-time caregivers and housekeepers.
In what ways do their tasks differ from women’s and in what ways are they the same?
Dear Sister Jessawhy,
I am very pleased to hear about your hair ribbons, although I would strongly advise that you wear them when your husband is in town, and not when you are home alone — otherwise, what is the point?
I am not without a sense of humor. And while your suggestion that husbands could be full-time caregivers and houskeepers is rather amusing, we should also be careful with such levity as this is one of many ways the Adversary is seeking to confuse gender roles in these perilous last days. So to address your questions regarding the follow-up post, please click on the highlighted words here and read the ensuing text. This should clear up any confusion.
Brother Stephen,
I’m glad I have amused you, although I can’t understand why. Perhaps you can explain what part of that document you linked precludes men from occasionally being responsible for housekeeping and childcare? It is not my husband’s primary responsibility, of course, but that does not mean it is not his responsibility from time to time.
(so there :P)
Jessawhy,
My guess is ol’ Brother Knudsen’s philosophies stem from a phobia of vacuum cleaners and dirty diapers more than anything doctrinal.
Being a priesthood holder myself, I don’t see anything wrong with a husband making life easier for his wife from time to time. Chasing after little kids all day, without any help, can drain anyone’s energy. Plus, helping out around the house is a way of showing love for your spouse - an action definitely keeping in spirit with the proclamation on the family.
Well this beats one of my wife’s young women’s leaders in Utah who taught things that would make Elder haKd happy. But one day she went a little bit further and told the girls, to their everlasting disgust and horror, about how she greeted her husband one day wrapped in nothing but Saran Wrap™©® and later fed him grapes while wearing only a sheet. All under the heading of “more than you want to know,” especially for the young womyn in a ward.
But at least she was “making the evening his.”
Sister Jessawhy,
It never ceases to amaze me how we choose to read only those messages we want to read. Those who have ears to hear…
This comes right after:
How much more clearer could it be?
BTW –
I rest my case.