This is NOT funny!
Jun 13th, 2007 by Stephen Erastus Knudsen III
Really, Brothers and Sisters! All this joking needs to stop!! Stories about missionaries doing inappropriate things are nothing more than inappropriate stories. And people who tell inappropriate stories… well, you get the idea.
I want to tell a story about MY mission. It was in my first area, and I was praying in my heart as I always do, and I heard a voice say “go to that house.” So I went, and I met a wonderful family who felt the spirit that we carried with us because of our great obedience. And they embraced the gospel wholeheartedly and received baptism and confirmation by my hand, through the Priesthood Power that I hold. They have been sealed in the temple and are currently both serving in Stake Callings. They have brought three more families to the church, and each of them has brought three more, and so on…
That’s my story, and that is how they all should be — not all this “how I broke the rules” garbage.
I will tell you one more story that demonstrates the blessings that accompany those who live each day to the fullness of obedience.
I humbly submit to you an entry from my personal Journal – a Journal I keep daily as the Prophet commands, to serve as a guide and a light whereby each of you may more fully understand the course you are to take to hold fast to the iron rod and stay safely within the confines of the straight and narrow path. The following experience happened one night while I was just finishing up studying at the Lord’s University of Brigham Young:
Tonight I was approached by an angelic messenger from the Lord. He was clean cut, clean shaven, and had a very appropriate disposition. It was not difficult for me to judge that this was a messenger from God, but just in case I recalled the following church teachings, which I have committed to memory and prepare to put in practice each day:
THERE are two kinds of beings in heaven, namely: Angels, who are resurrected personages, having bodies of flesh and bones For instance, Jesus said: Handle me and see, for a spirit hath not flesh and bones, as ye see me have. Secondly: the spirits of just men made perfect, they who are not yet resurrected, but will inherit the same glory. When a messenger comes, saying he has a message from God, offer him your hand and ask him to shake hands with you. If he be a resurrected angel he will do so, and you will feel his hand. If he be the spirit of a just man made perfect he will come in his glory; for that is the only way he can appear Ask him to shake hands with you, but he will not move, because it is contrary to the order of heaven for a just man to deceive; but he will still deliver his message. If it be the devil as an angel of light, when you ask him to shake hands he will offer you his hand, and you will not feel anything; you may therefore detect him. These are three grand keys whereby you may know whether any administration is from God.
I think it is good that the Prophet gave this instruction for members of the church who do not have a keen sense of discernment unto themselves, but I have experienced both good and evil many times before. I know what evil feels like.
So there I was, face to face with this angel, who I already could tell was a good one. Still, I determined to ask him to shake my hand, but felt I ought to do it in a clever way, just to be safe.
So, I asked him who he had been in his mortal life, thinking that he must have been someone great, like Moroni, or Lincoln, and then I could say, “Hello Mr. Lincoln, very nice to meet you,” and reach out to shake his hand in a more natural way.
Unfortunately, when I asked who he had been, he stammered and said, “Bob.”
It threw me for a moment, so I decided to ask him what good things he had done in mortality to warrant his position as a ministering angel. Then I could congratulate him with a hand-shake.
But when I asked, he told me, “nothing, I died before being baptized at age of eight.”
Undaunted, I asked question after question, until he finally stopped me and said, “you’re trying to shake hands with you, aren’t you.”
He reached out and shook my hand. I was so embarrassed that I don’t even remember what it felt like, but it must have felt marvelous.
Next thing I knew we were flying through the night sky. It was an exhilarating feeling. It kind of tickled, but in a good way. Finally we stopped in a large heavenly classroom with an over-sized crystal chalk board. They still use regular chalk in heaven, but it doesn’t squeak when you pressed down too hard on the board, and it never breaks.
There I received several hours worth of training that I unfortunately cannot reveal…
I can’t tell you so many amazing things, but it was truly humbling to know that the Lord trusts ME with this precious information, and that he trully answers our prayers. And I assure you that if you seek, you too shall find what I found and be shown what the angel showed me — that dinosaurs really were real, that the forbidden fruit wasn’t really an apple (it was an Avocado), that Noah actually had a fleet of 12 ships (one for each future tribe of Israel), that woman really are kind of equal to men, and that the Lost Tribes of Israel are the Scandinavians, and they’re not really lost – they’re just pretending.
Bob then brought me back to the library and wished me a peaceful night’s sleep. I thanked him and he started to leave, then stopped and paused a moment. He told me that he really liked my cologne, and said, “By the way, Bigfoot is really Cain. He’s still alive you know.” And then he was gone.
What a vision! They’re getting better and more informative all the time. When I got home, my roommates were watching T.V. They must have found out where I hid it…
At any rate, I could carry on with my Journal entries all day. I share this with you to demonstrate the wonderful blessings the Lord will provide to us if we will only but earn them through our obedience and righteousness.
I imagine that there must be at least one or two of you out there who have had perhaps a slight taste of this beloved fruit. Perhaps I could hear your experiences as well. On the other hand, it might be nice to hear from some of the less valiant of you about the curses that have come into your lives as a result of your excessive decadence. Either way, I am confident in my righteousness, and pray that you might someday become as confident in yours.
Well, that answers that question pretty conclusively. I must say I’m disappointed; the story Stephen Erastus Knudsen III shared about missionaries encountering the spirit of the daughter that the family had lost was so lovely but I guess it was too good to be true after all.
PDOE, Now I’m a little confused. Why are you dissapointed? That story about the spirit of the little girl is still as lovely as it was the first time you read it — or the first time Stephen heard it all those years ago, isn’t it? He did say it had an impact on his life, and that is very true. I assure you — Stephen did not make up that story. Neither did I, for that matter. And I agree with you — it is a lovely story — a valuable piece of LDS folklore that I am sure others have heard and have cherished as well. I’m sorry that you are dissapointed. But I suppose Stephen can have that effect on people (no offense Brother K).
It’s just that Stephen’s posts seem so over the top I can’t tell if he’s being tongue in cheek or not. I don’t know which of his stories are true and which are horse-feathers.
I vote for over-the-top. Based on his -ahem- angelic visit, I’d say he’s hopped up on goofballs too. Actually, I can’t decide if he’s mentally ill or just a victim of an overactive imagination.
Do us favor Stevie-boy and don’t listen to all those voices swirling around in your head.
And put down the sharp objects too, big Fella.
Brother Ryder,
Why do you insist on verbally persecuting Brother Stephen? Is it because you are offended by his desires to preach the truth? The wicked take the truth to be hard because it cuts them to the center.
Keep sharing your inspiring words, brother Stephen. I, for one, want to hear them.
PDOE,
They are a little bit of both — just like all of our stories.
Brother Glenn,
Speak for yourself. There is a reason I categorize all my posts under “Truth.”
Sister PDOE,
I hope that is the good kind of pride and not the bad kind that President Benson warned us all about (although I wonder if there is really a distinction). Usually when people are confused about what I say, it is because their spirit is not quite in tune — no offense. It just takes a little prayer and fasting, and you will start to see the light in no time — right Brother Goode?
Brother Rider,
I forgive you for your short-sightedness. It is never too late, even for someone like you.
Brother Knudsen,
I chose “Proud Daughter of Eve” not because I myself am a proud person but as an expression of love and support for the Mother of All Living. As you know, she is much maligned in other traditions; however I honor her for her choice and her strengths and I wish the rest of the world could too.
You’re telling the wrong person, Proud Daughter of Eve. Based on some of his posts in the past, I’d say Stevie-boy maligns Eve as frequently as those in traditional Christian denominations. And he refuses to admit he’s wrong. I’d say he’s a few fries short of a happy meal, but then again he’d probably tell me that fries are against the word of wisdom or something nonsensical like that.
Anyway, I like the name you’ve chosen.
Oh and Stevie-Boy, you probably shouldn’t pick at motes when it comes to vision. Isn’t that you at the top of the page wearing glasses? I thought so.
Finally, Petey you seem a little too enamored with Stevie-Boy for your own good.
Ok….New to this site…and frankly… I about wet my pants! I read Knudsens rant “This is not funny” and was like ready to tell him that many of my friends have fallen off soap boxes and broken legs. THEN I READ HIS JOURNAL ENTRY! Not until I got to the 3rd to last paraghraph did I realize that he was pulling my leg (I hope). We all know that the lost tribes are living in an invisible land mass floating just above the north pole….why else would the earth spin on such a strange axis….It’s science people.
Mavity, Elder Knudsen also has experience with broken legs.