A Nephite Christmas
May 19th, 2007 by Stephen Erastus Knudsen III
For the past several years I, Stephen Erastus Knudsen III have been trying to put on a special Christmas pageant in my ward: “The First Nephite Christmas.” But each year I am told that the script is not quite ready — in fact after much discussion, my bishop’s (and Stake President’s) exact words were that the content is “too plain and precious” (I have not yet heard a response from the letters I have sent to the Bretheren). They mean that it is too perfect — meat instead of milk — and therefore far beyond the grasp of the average member of the church. I have tried to make it more accessible to the common man, but it has heretofor proven too far a stretch for me.
Thus, this blog seems like a perfect forum for me to turn for help, so I would like to appeal to each of you, as I am humbled by the certainty that there must be at least one person with the common mentality but creative vision/revelation that at least comes somewhat close to approaching the level of mine. So please, read through the following script and help me finish it so that this year with be the year!
THE NEPHITE’S FIRST CHRISTMAS
By: Stephen Rastus Knudsen III
Meso-American themed Christmas decorations fill the room. An excited buzz fills the air. Everyone in the capacity-filled audience is happy. The crowds that were turned away are praying that meybe tomorrow night they will be able to get in to the show.
The lights dim. The music rises. A small but amazingly proficient orchestra plays the opening prologue.
The curtains open to a stage designed to look like meso-American culture.
OPENING SONG: ALL SIGNS POINT TO
The music begins. Our hero enters, STEPHEN-IHAH, a righteous, valiant, powerful nephite man of FAITH.
STEPHEN-IHAH
(singing)
I look down at the ground
I look up at Cielo
And the one thing that I know
When I see a rainbow
Is He is there
And He is good
And all signs point to Him
I look around at my life
I’ve given up all to know Him
I only hope I can show him
Unlike all they who sin
That I am here
And I am good
And all signs point to me
The cast members gather around STEPHEN-IHAH and sing the backup chorus (in parenthesis) below while STEPHEN-IHAH sings the lead.
STEPHEN-IHAH (CONT’)
(singing)
I live a good life
(all signs point to)
I am kind to my wife
(all signs point to)
I don’t give people strife
(all signs point to)
I don’t brandish a knife
(all signs point to)
I’m kind to bees in the hive
(all signs point to)
I give people five
(all signs point to)
For righteousness I do strive
(all signs point to)
For I know He is alive!
The cast members return to their previous positions. STEPHEN-IHAH continues with his song.
STEPHEN-IHAH (CONT’)
(singing)
I shine my light to the world
In all the darkness around us
I stand for truth and I don’t fuss
My testimony you can’t muss
Cuz I am here
And I am Good
All signs point to
ALL
(harmony)
All signs point to
All sings point to ME.
Wild APPLAUSE.
The cast members EXIT except for an ARTISAN who has an overly sad expression as he chisels at the nose of a large Olmec face statue. STEPHEN-IHAH moves towards him, carrying the silver-plates (the kind you engrave on, not the kind you eat off of,). He stops in front of the Artisan and takes in a majestic, sweeping view of the invisible landscape. The Artisan stops his chiseling and greets STEPHEN-IHAH.
ARTISAN
Hail man. What is that ye carry?
STEPHEN-IHAH
These, sir, are the words of Samuel, the Lamanite prophet. He who brought us the words of truth.
ARTISAN
I see. The Lamanites are now so much more righteous than we. But I must admit, I am completely unfamiliar of whome ye speak, for I have lived in ignorance all my days and am thus very unhappy in my life as is every man who lives without even the slightest knowledge of The Truth. Do you mean that these words of that Samuel who prophesied the birth of the Messiah?
STEPHEN-IHAH
Uh huh.
ARTISAN
Do you mean that Samuel who said that Jesus would be born in Jerusalem, the land of our fathers, and that we would recognize the sign of his divine birth by a day and a night and a day that will appear as only one really long day with no darkness, only light?
STEPHEN-IHAH
Uh huh.
ARTISAN
You mean that Samuel who was persecuted for his beliefs by all of the non-believers and had to escape from prophesying atop the city walls for his life and hid in the wilderness and established a small but faithful following of faithful believers who faithfully believe in the glorious teachings that he gloriously taught?
STEPHEN-IHAH
The very same.
ARTISAN
I’m not sure that I believe all of these things. I was raised by the traditions of my fathers which I know to be false. Tell me, sir, are you a follower of Samuel?
STEPHEN-IHAH
Although I may be put to death for admitting it thus, I am brave and valiant and hold my testimony as an ensign to the world. I let my light so shine and therefore do freely admit that I am.
ARTISAN
(smiling)
Sir, I marvel at your confidence and serenity. You amaze me with your boldness of speech.
(beat)
What is this strange sensation rising in my chest, confirming to me that the words you speak are full of light and truth? Pray, tell me how I may align myself with thee. What is the name of your small but humble group of followers – ye who faithfully follow the glorious teachings of Samuel?
STEPHEN-IHAH
We call ourselves – the Sammons.
The cast gathers around for a great wedding. SANTA CLAUSE enters from stage right on a cardboard sled pulled by Llamas. The children in the audience are delighted by the sight of Santa. A few ELVES jump off the back of the sleigh and throw candy canes into the audience.
The End
Uh huh.
Stephen (if you will pardon the familiar form af address), were we not mission companions at one time? I served with an elder who was almost as aware of his own righteousness as you are, and the six weeks I was with him was like unto the millenium.
I hesitate to critique anything that is so obviously inspired, but since you, in your childlike humility, made an appeal for greater light and knowledge, I will venture a suggestion. I think this pageant is too namby-pamby. Do you really want people to think that God is like Santa Claus, tossing out blessings left and right? This is a wicked and perverse generation, and they need to be reminded of their fate. I think the pageant should end with the wicked burning as stubble.
Perhaps we were companions, although I only recognize missionaries from their last names, or just as “Elder,” and I don’t remember an Elder Markiv (is that Russian? If so, what tribe are you?). I intentionally refuse to memorize missionaries’ first names because I feel it is innapropriate — there is a time and a season for all things, and the mission field is clearly not the place for such familiarity and/or the frivolity it creates. So, in short, I would need more information to know if we did in fact serve together (although I am fairly certain you would remember if you had been my companion, because of all the success). On the other hand, if it felt as joyous as the millenium, it may have been me. Seperating the wheat from the tares is certainly how I will be spending every minute of my time when that glorious dispensation arrives (which, by my estimation, will be in April — probably the 6th — 2011 — that’s the end of the Mayan calender you know).
At any rate, I appreciate your comment about burning the wicked, but, not surprisingly, I was way ahead of you. That is how I ended my first draft, but the bishop said that the insurance premiums would be too high for the building, and I refused to compromise my creative integrity — I will only have real fire (and real burning of the real wicked — I keep a running list).
But I think you are right about the namby, and possibly the pamby as well. I will have to revisit the Santa Claus idea and the indiscriminent blessings. Perhaps he should give some coal as well. Certainly food for thought.