Mormon Folklore

Here is a bit of Mormon folklore for you all. I have seen this idea floating around in many Mormon blogs that the ordinances and doctrines of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints are like varieties of dishes served at a buffet; that some Mormons are justified – and in some blogs even encouraged! – to sample what they like and discard what they don’t like, as if it is really for us to choose which Truths we will accept and which Truths we will dismiss simply because they are unsavory and perhaps contrary to our natural appetites and passions.

Some people even have the gall to say that we are all “Cafetria Mormons” (and I really prefer “Cafeteria Members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints,” or simply “Cafeteria Saints” if you feel that you must take shortcuts). I am here to say that I, Elder Stephen Erastus Knudsenn III, for one, am not.

Here was my response to one of those posts from a blog which — to avoid any appearance of condoning — I shall not name or even hint at. But I do feel moved to say that the word “common” also means “vulgar” and if those of you who frequent this blog continue to consent to such vulgarities, then perhaps you should reconsider (for his hand is stretched out still). Here is my post:

Maybe you haven’t noticed the other section of the Mormon Cafeteria — the one at the end of that straight and narrow path. That is the Celestial Cafeteria, where there are only two items on the menu and nothing else: bread and water, the literal flesh and blood of Christ.

Yes, the Lord provides for lower sections of the cafeteria, terestrial and telestial sections for those who are not content feasting upon the bread of life or partaking of the water which makes them never again thirst; or for those people who feel they have to butter the bread, or season it with pepper or tabasco or other such polutants. And maybe I will come to visit yours and sample the food if I will, but you will not be able to come to mine, and mine has the best desert: fruit plucked fresh from the tree of life. You will have to be content with the pastries of man, mingled with scripture.

You may think the limited Celestial menu is boring and you may laugh and scoff at me and my bretheren for my choice — but I would advise you to search and ponder the blueprints of the great and spacious cafeteria you describe. If you look close you will see there is no foundation — there is no keystone — no Celestial soup for you!

I should clarify that last statement, which I only used because I have heard people say “no soup for you” and I thought it would be applicable and perhaps, my apologies, a rather witty closing to an otherwise sincere post (one of my few vices is that I attempt wit in times when I should not). A few minutes after posting this, a former roommate of mine read it and emailed me asking why I would site a reference to a former television show (he knows that make a point of not polluting my mind with television) called “Seinfeld” which I never watched (and was rather disappointed to hear that he had – I am no longer his roommate and can no longer attempt to help him with such things – although I guess he always found where I hid the TV anyway).