Mormon Folklore

Now there’s some folklore for you. Of course there are stupid questions. Like the other day at church when some self-proclaimed wiseacre tried to be funny in Elders quorum and asked “don’t the scriptures tell us to love the natural man?” No. The natural man is an enemy to God, and is therefor an enemy to us. When Jesus said “love your enemies and pray for those who despitefully use you” he did NOT mean that we should love the natural man. Stupid question. Stupid Elder. Stuff like that is totally not funny and not even worth commenting about.

I think it is clear that the more things rhyme, the truer they actually are.

For example:

The family that prays together stays together.

We all know that that’s true.

Therefor, needless to say, I was quite disturbed yesterday in sacrament meeting by the off-rhyme in the final verse of Hymn #175 (”Oh God the Eternal Father”).

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I have always found it very profound that those of us who are righteous all wear the armor of righteousness. It’s such a testament of the Truthfulness of righteousness and the strength or armor.

A very sincere brother who is “looking” recently asked me about my righteousness. It happens quite often, as I am sure you can imagine, and I thought it was an excellent question – one we should ask ourselves everyday. Or at least once a week during the sacrament.

His question to me was: what makes you such a wonderfully righteous person?
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Well, the rumors were right. They split our ward last week, and they did not take my suggestions. Not only am I still a primary teacher, but the Lord has decided in His infinite wisdom to give me an even greater test. Brother Snell was made our new bishop.

Now I knew Brother Snell on my mission, before I was AP, when he was Elder Snell (although he asked everyone just to call him “Jon” — I still called him Elder, out of respect for the tag). He always slept in and he never practiced his language training. Even in the Los Angeles English Speaking Mission, you need to magnify your calling and be prepared. There are a lot of different ethnics out there.
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I heard a rumor today that they will be dividing our ward boundaries at Stake Conference this Sunday. I wish they had consulted me ahead of time. I have a few suggestions on the boundary lines in order to keep the really promising members and get rid of some of the riff raff (yes Brother Snell, I’m looking at you). But the good news is that this will open up another Bishop slot. I haven’t heard anything yet (although if I had, I wouldn’t be able to admit it) but I’m keeping my fingers crossed. And I started a fast. Maybe I should put my name in the temple, too. We’ll see what happens. It’s all up to God anyway, but maybe he can be convinced. I’ll let you know.

I have prayed about this and come to the understanding that the Lord is testing me. It is like on my mission, when I was AP, and I met the Sanchez family. Brother Sanchez would have made a great bishop, but he was stuck in the primary teaching the CTR-Bs.

Likewise, I would make a great bishop, but for some reason the Lord wants me in primary for now. There must be some young minds who need molding — a few approaching the age of accountability who are being taught false traditions in their homes. I look forward to correcting them each week. But I feel like Abraham, or Job. The Lord has great things in store for me, it says so in my patriarchal blessing. But I am being asked to be patient and to wait. I will miss my old job as ward clerk. I was so sure it was a stepping stone to the bishopric. Oh well, I will go and do, brothers and sisters. I will go and do.

Fast and testimony meetings are my favorite Sundays every month. I wish we could do it every week, but then we wouldn’t get to hear the high counselor and his assignments as much, so I guess I should just be happy with things as they are.

Yesterday, a sweet sister - who is home on break from BYU - stood and said that having the gift of the Holy Ghost is kind of like cheating – like you already have the answers to all of life’s tests and you are guaranteed an A+. And you know what? She is absolutely right!
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I have never read a book that was not written by either an ancient or a modern prophet, but Bishop Higgins (I still don’t think he is a real Bishop) suggested that I read “Where the Red Fern Grows,” after finishing the Miracle of Forgiveness (which I committed to memory years ago – not because I needed to, but because I knew it would come in handy when I became a General Authority – quoting prophets is very impressive and a sure sign of divine acceptance).
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I was thinking about how true it is that our bodies are temples, and then I had a revelation. What is a temple without an angel moroni? I have thus created a line of hats that will make it very difficult for the less-valiant members to hide under a bushel. Declare your faith brothers and sister, from the mountain tops, or at least from the top of your head.

There is a wolf among us in sheep’s clothing. He is posing as a bishop, but he is not a real bishop. This is highly innapropriate and highly offensive to those of us who truly aspire to the position of that great office one day. I encourage you all to shun this imposter at all costs. But not before taking a moment to read his profanings and give him some righteouos comeuppance.

http://bishophiggins.blogspot.com/